


Can't Let You Go

by SourwolfSeblaine



Series: Seblaine Week 2020 [7]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Crushes, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Seblaine Week 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:28:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25359946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SourwolfSeblaine/pseuds/SourwolfSeblaine
Summary: Seblaine Week 2020, day 7: Friends with Benefits--Blaine did not expect to end up in this situation when he confessed his feelings to Sebastian. Appearantly Sebastian didn't completely understand. And now they are friends with benefits, and sure, it is amazing. But he doesn't just want to have sex with Sebastian. He wants to go on dates, have romantic moments and sweet kisses.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Series: Seblaine Week 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1827235
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41
Collections: Seblaine Week 2020





	Can't Let You Go

**Author's Note:**

> At first, I was going to skip this prompt, friends with benefits - or anything related to smut - makes me extremely uncomfortable (so if you ever wondered why I never read your M or E rated fic, that's why. I avoid those). But then I came up with this idea. Friends to Friends with Benefits to Lovers? Hope you guys don't mind, I know it's not exactly what you're looking for when clicking on a friends with benefits fic. I tried my best though. 
> 
> Not edited, sorry for any mistakes!

Blaine stares at the ceiling above him, his heart still beating loudly. Sebastian is already getting out of the bed, fishing his boxers from the ground as he walks out of the bedroom, whistling, probably about to make breakfast.

Ok. So, you might wonder how Blaine ended up in this situation. His friends call it a little pathetic. 

Blaine was- no, he is, in love with Sebastian. And- wait, maybe we should start from the beginning.

Alright, so, Blaine met Sebastian when he was still with his ex-boyfriend, Kurt. Let's just say that relationship wasn't the healthiest, and Blaine needed a way out. He tried, but he was somehow always pulled back in Kurts hands. (Or, if you'd listen to Sebastian's side of the story, 'Kurt's claws')

He met Sebastian at the local coffee shop. There was only one empty seat left, next to Blaine, and Sebastian had asked if he was allowed to sit there.

Long story short: they got to talking. They exchanged numbers, and they became friends, until Blaine trusted him enough to talk about his relationship with Kurt.

Sebastian came over to his apartment and kicked Kurt out of the door, threatening him that if he ever came back, he'd let his father (who is apparently an important policeman) arrest him.

They never saw Kurt again. Rumor is that he moved states just to avoid them.

Blaine and Sebastian kept being friends, for months. And Blaine fell in love with him. Hard.

How did that end up in this, you ask?

Blaine kissed Sebastian, told him he found him attractive, and Sebastian took it the wrong way.

The idiot thought Blaine meant only in a physical way. In a friends with benefits way.

And Blaine was too… insecure… to correct him. Because if Sebastian didn't have romantic feelings for Blaine and knew Blaine was in love with him… he'd lose him forever.

Because Sebastian Smythe doesn't sleep with people who have feelings for him. He's not the one to play with people's feelings like that. He's not a heartbreaker.

Or maybe he is, because the last time Sebastian saw a guy, Hunter, the guy confessed his feelings and Sebastian pushed him out of the door. Hunter looked pretty heartbroken about that.

So yeah. That's why he's here. At least he's able to kiss Sebastian. They didn't have rules like most people do, they were basically in a relationship, just without the official label and… well, every romantic parts.

And if Blaine imagined Sebastian loving him every time they kissed, no one had to know… right?

Blaine gets out of the bed too, quickly dressed into the clothes that are scattered around the floor. When he walks out of the room, into the kitchen, Sebastian's roommate, Santana, smirks at him.

"Had fun last night, I see."

Blaine looks down, but he doesn't see anything. Sure his clothes are a little wrinkled but-

"Your neck, sweetie." Santana winks and walks towards the bathroom.

"As if I don't hear her and Brittany almost every night." Sebastian snorts and hands Blaine a plate.

Their fingers brush. And seriously, it's like some sort of rom-com for Blaine. His heart flutters.

But Sebastian doesn't seem affected and turns back to the pan where he's baking eggs. 

Blaine sits down on one of the stools at the bar. He watches Sebastian move around the kitchen before he starts eating the food.

Brittany walks out of Santana's room, in case you didn't know yet, Brittany is Santana's fiance. At least Brittany had the guts to confess her  _ romantic _ feelings for Santana.

"Morning." Sebastian greets her.

She doesn't answer at first, grabbing the coffee pot and a mug. After she took a sip she sighs, "Good morning."

Blaine's phone buzzes. He had forgotten it was in his pocket. He quickly grabs it to see he's got a few missed text from his friends.

  
  


**_Blamtina group chat_ **

**_Queen T: B please don't tell us you stayed over at Sebastian's again_ **

**_Queen T: I swear if you don't tell him how you feel, I will do it for you_ **

**_Sammy: doesnt sound like a good idea_ **

**_Sammy: u know how dramatic she can me_ **

**_Queen T: I'm not dramatic!_ **

**_Sammy: i meant ur dramatic gestures_ **

**_Queen T: Ok…_ **

**_Queen T: Anyway, B, when you read this, TELL HIM_ **

Blaine sighs, not sure how to answer.

"You ok?" Sebastian asks him, sitting next to him. Blaine quickly locks his phone and nods.

\--

When he walks into his own apartment - not that he's there a lot, he usually spends the night at Sebastian's. They used to hang out here but Sam complained about the noise - he sees his two best friends sitting on the couch.

They were already looking at the door, glancing- no, more like staring, at him.

"Did you do it?" Tina asks.

"I didn't tell him."

Tina and Sam let out a dramatic sigh at the same time.

"B…"

"I know, I know." Blaine lets himself fall down on a chair, he quickly glances at the clock, he has an hour left before his shift starts. "I just… he's a good friend, and I don't want to ruin things."

"But what if he likes you back?" Sam suggests, "Because you could be happy with him  _ and  _ do the things you're doing now."

"He doesn't like me back. Sebastian doesn't do relationships. He's said so many times. He hasn't exactly said what, but something happened to him and now he 'doesn't believe in love'."

Tina rolls her eyes, "You can't just ignore love for the rest of your life, just because you got your heart broken."

Blaine shrugs, "But I'm happy like this. Sure, I wished we did more than just physical stuff. I sometimes dream about going on dates and being that sappy romantic couple. I've always been a romantic, and with Kurt… well, we never did anything romantic."

"Blaine…" Tina glances at Sam, who nods, "We don't think you're happy. Like you said, you're a romantic person. You deserve someone who will do romantic things with you."

Blaine groans, "You sound like my mom, 'Oh, Blaine, you're reaching your thirties, you should be married and starting kids by now until it's too late.' I know you guys mean well, but really, I don't mind this. I'm in love with him, and if this is all of him that I can get, I'll take it. Because this is better than nothing. Being friends with benefits is better than not being friends at all."

He leaves for work after that, but the whole day he has problems concentrating.

\--

He's barely inside the apartment when Sebastian's lips meet his. It's fast and rough and it leaves Blaine breathless.

"Santana and Brittany are away wedding planning," Sebastian tells him, his mouth leaving open kisses on Blaine's neck. He moves his lips to Blaine's ear and Blaine's legs almost give up when he feels Sebastian's breath, "So we've got the place for ourselves."

In only a few seconds he's pressed against the couch. A place Santana had said  _ many times  _ that was off limits for anything sexual. (Though he's pretty sure she and Brittany had done stuff on there as well).

His shirt hits the ground and Sebastian's hands are all over him.

But Blaine… he can't stop thinking about his conversation with Tina and Sam. Does he really have to tell Sebastian?

If he doesn't, he won't know how long this would continue until Sebastian found another guy or got tired of him.

If he does, there are two outcomes. 1. Sebastian returns his feelings and they live happily ever after.

Or 2. Sebastian does not return his feelings and kicks him out and never talks to him again.

"Blaine?" Sebastian breaks his thoughts, he's looking at him with worry, "You still there? Am I that bad?"

"What?" Blaine stutters, "N-no. I mean yes. No. I'm here. You're not bad."

Sebastian pulls back, "What's going on?"

"Nothing!"

Sebastian raises his eyebrow, "You were distracted."

"I was not."

Sebastian now raises both his eyebrows and stays silent. Silently judging him. Oh god.

"It's nothing you should worry about." Blaine tells him, "Can we, uh, go back to making out?"

Sebastian shakes his head, "You're obviously thinking about something else. You know, you can talk to me. I won't judge."

Blaine sighs, "I can't about this."

"So you admit something is wrong."

"Yes."

"And you don't want to tell me."

"Yes. No. Yes." Blaine groans. "Because it might… it might ruin this. Us."

"Did you sleep with someone else?"

Blaine shakes his head. "No… did you?"

"No." Sebastian answers, "I know people call me a slut, but I don't sleep with multiple guys at a time. I'm not that kind of guy."

"Oh, good."

Now there is an awkward silence. Great. Blaine should've had kept his mouth shut.

"Then I don't see anything that could 'ruin' what we have." Sebastian breaks the silence, using air quotes.

Should he say it? Maybe he should. If Sebastian kicks him out, he at least wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. It would suck, but at least it would be done.

"I, uh, have feelings."

"No, shit. I thought you were a robot." 

"Sebastian." Blaine sighs.

"Alright, I'm shutting up."

"I like you. I'm in… I'm in love with you." Blaine says. He closes his eyes, heart pounding loudly, waiting for a response. 

But he doesn't get one.

He opens his eyes to see Sebastian staring at him, his face unreadable. 

"I gotta go." Blaine grabs his shirt from where it dropped on the floor and he hurries out of the apartment before Sebastian can stop him.

\--

A week goes by. Blaine doesn't call or text Sebastian, and Sebastian doesn't call or text him.

And it has been the toughest week in Blaine's life. Ok, maybe not literally, because he has been through some terrible things, but he's feeling dramatic right now, so that's what we're going with.

Tina and Sam obviously regret pushing him about it. Tina might not live in the apartment with them (she used to but moved out to live with her now husband Mike) but she spends almost every day in the weeks watching him worriedly as he's lying depressed on his bed.

They tried to talk to him, but Blaine doesn't respond.

He doesn't blame them for it. He knows they were right, he had to talk about it. And he made the choice to tell Sebastian. But he can't look at them.

There's one day where he's alone, Tina and Sam both at work, and Mike didn't have enough time to babysit Blaine. So he's alone in the house. Meaning he left his room for the first time in awhile - not counting the times he had to go to the bathroom.

It's somewhat relaxing at first. Instead of lying on his bed, he's lounging on the couch, catching up on his favorite drama shows.

The doorbell rings.

Blaine doesn't answer.

The doorbell rings again, this time with a knock.

Blaine doesn't answer. He closes his eyes and stays as silent as possible, wishing that whoever it is will go away.

"Damn it, Blaine, open up! Or else I'll use the key you gave me." He jumps at the sound of Sebastian's voice.

What is he doing here? He doesn't have anything of Sebastian's, does he? His favorite sweater or a comic book? No. He doesn't. 

He hears the sound of a key in the lock and quickly opens the door before Sebastian can.

Sebastian looks just as much as a mess as him. His hair messy, he obviously hasn't shaved and he looks exhausted.

"Can we talk?"

Blaine nods but doesn't move.

"Inside?"

Blaine takes a step back and watches him walk into the apartment. They stare at each other for a few seconds.

"I'm sorry." Sebastian tells him.

"For what? Not loving me back? Because even though it sucks, I know you can't control how you feel."

"Not that. Blaine, I-" He runs his hand through his hair frustratingly. "Blaine, I do love you."

Blaine's mind stops working. Ok, now he kinda understands why Sebastian didn't respond immediately because it's kind of a shock hearing someone say those words.

"But I can't. I can't love you." Sebastian says, his voice a little shaky.

"Why not?" Blaine asks him, and he finds himself walking towards him. They're standing close. Blaine has to look up to look in Sebastian's eyes, "What is it that made you so against love?"

Sebastian looks… Blaine isn't entirely sure. There are so many emotions in Sebastian's eyes. It's a little strange, Sebastian, the man who always hides his feelings with a smirk and sassy comebacks or flirty pick up lines. He has never seen much emotion in Sebastian's eyes, none except for the times that he was happy, truly happy. And that one time they watched a horror movie and a bird flew against the window, scaring the crap out of them.

"I…"

Blaine knows how difficult it is to talk about the past, and he is an open person. So it must be even more difficult for someone who isn't as open as him, who isn't used to talk about his feelings.

He waits. He doesn't say anything, he just waits and gives Sebastian time to find words or the courage to speak up.

Sebastian walks to the couch and sits down. Blaine follows him. He wants to hug him, or at least hold his hand, but he's not sure if it would help. So he sits down next to him, close enough so that their knees touch, and if Sebastian wants, he can grab his hand.

"When I was in high school, there was this boy. I was… I was so in love with him, it almost hurt. I couldn't get my mind off of him. Every little thing that happened, it reminded me of him. And every moment between us, it repeated in my head a million times. I had already planned our future, we would move to a quieter town close to Paris as soon as we were old enough. And we'd follow our dreams and start a family, adopt children, get married, travel the world together."

He stops talking, and Blaine has a feeling he's about to understand why Sebastian is the way he is when it comes to love and relationships.

"His parents weren't accepting. They forbid him to see me. But he did it anyways. He would sneak out of his house and meet me in our backyard, we'd have romantic moments in the treehouse my stepfather had build. God, I was so happy with him. But then his parents found out because I was stupid enough to hide a note in his bag."

He takes another break, this time shorter.

"His parents packed his bags and were planning to send him away, to some camp. But he never made it there because on their way, they got hit by another car. He died in the hospital a few hours later. And… it was my fault. If I hadn't… they wouldn't have found out. He died because I loved him."

Blaine grabs his hand and squeezes it.

"I told myself I'd never have a relationship again. I moved here to live with my dad, and every time I found myself falling in love with someone, I pushed them away. And it succeeded. I slept with some guys, just to deal with my stupid teenage hormones. And I guess the sleeping never stopped. And then I met you. And I didn't push you away, because I couldn't. I tried, but I kept needing you, wanting to see you or hear your voice. And, damn it Blaine, I'm in love with you too, because it scares me. Because the last time I was in love, it didn't end well."

Blaine has to think about how to respond for a few minutes, not wanting to say the wrong thing. "It's a different situation now. We're not teenagers, we're adult. I do not have homophobic parents. And… I understand that it was really traumatizing, but you can't punish yourself for it the rest of your life. You're a good person, Sebastian. You deserves happiness and love."

Sebastian looks at him, his eyes watery. "This last week… I couldn't think of anything else than being with you. I want to be with you Blaine. And it… it might be difficult for me, but I want to try. Because if I don't, I will go out of my mind. I can't let you go."

"We can go slow, we won't do anything you don't want to do."

"We've already had sex, like, many times. I'm not sure you could call what we're doing slow." Sebastian says, and there's a tiny smile on his face as he looks at Blaine.

Blaine wipes away the tear that escaped Sebastian's eye, "Then we'll see what happens."

Sebastian leans forward, pressing his lips against Blaine's. It's different than normal. They never had a slow, chaste kiss before. It had always been rough and fast and full of passion. But Blaine does not mind at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Can't believe Seblaine week is already over! Ever since the dates were announced, I was so looking forward to it. I finished my works early because I couldn't wait with writing them. The time goes by so fast, it's scary. 
> 
> Also, I haven't been active with reading new fics, sorry for that! I haven't really been on my phone that much lately, some personal stuff has happened and my mental health was really bad, it's getting better now, I'm still sad and not always in the mood to read or write. But I know that when I get into another Seblaine phase (I always have phases where I'm obsessed with reading about one ship) that there will be sooooo many amazing new fics to read and I can't wait!


End file.
